VBA

What’s a VBA? Well, it’s an acronym, of course, for Versatile Blogger Award. Now, truth be told, I’d never heard of this curious animal prior to a couple of days ago when author, editor, blogger, and all around nifty individual, Victoria Oldham, nominated me.

I’m still not sure what it all means, exactly, but I know there are rules. You can see them HERE. Since there are rules, I must do my best to comply. That’s just the way I’m wired.

Rule #1  – Thank the person who gave you this award. That’s common courtesy.

Yes, this does seem the polite thing to do. Publicly, and with great humility, I say thank you. I’m deeply honored (if not equally baffled) to receive such prestigious recognition.

Rule #2 –  Include a link to their blog. That’s also common courtesy — if you can figure out how to do it.

If you look up there, I already did the link thing. But HERE it is again, just in case you missed it the first time.

As an aside, I’m concerned about the last half of this rule. How does one qualify to be a versatile blogger without knowing how to embed a link in her blog? The bar, it seems, is set a little low on this metric…

Rule #3 –  Next, select 15 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly.

Let’s be frank here, folks, I don’t actually know fifteen bloggers. Not by a long shot. Despite my compulsive need to follow the rules, I’m going to skip this step.

I will offer a shout out to the following bloggers, just because, you know, they’re cool!

1. Victoria Oldham – See the caveat in rule #1 about not being rude. And, she really is a terrific blogger, richly deserving of recognition.
2. Andi Marquette – Andi is my co-admin in crime over at Women and Words. Clearly, she’s fabulous.
3. Yvonne Heidt – Also a regular contributor at Women and Words. I don’t know a single other blogger who agonizes over the process as much as Yvonne. She really wants it to go well.
4. Carsen Taite – She doesn’t blog, she vlogs. But I’m sure that counts. And she holds down the every-other-wednesday slot at Women and Words.
5. R.G. Emanuelle – A few years ago, my whole words took a sharp left and slid right off the planet. Without R.G. and Andi, Women and Words would have atrophied and collapsed completely. I don’t know how many folks know that, but you should. Next time you chat with her, tell her thanks for being awesome.
6. Stevie Carroll – Stevie blogs about mysterious British things one Monday a month at Women and Words. I’m not sure if they’re mysterious because they’re British or because she writes mysteries. It could go either way.
7. Lee Lynch – Lee has been blogging since before it was called blogging. You can catch her installments of The Amazon Trail HERE.
8. Liz McMullen – Liz jumps into everything with both feet, including her online show called, aptly, The Liz McMullen Show, where she interviews authors of lesbian fiction, hosts readings of our work, and provides reviews.
9. Andy and Cheri the Rev – That’s actually two people, but they host one awesome show together called Cocktail Hour. It’s complete with Bar Rags, Conversations at the Bar, and Bearded Clam Challenges. Yes, they really are that awesome.

That’s it. If you are a fabulous blogger and I’ve neglected to mention you here, it’s not because you are anything less than the fabulous blogger you believe yourself to be. Sadly, it is more a reflection of how out of touch I am with the blogosphere (which further iterates my original confusion at having received the award in the first place.). Please, do not be offended by my ignorance. I tip my hat to your superior blogging. I just don’t know it.

Rule #4 – Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award — you might include a link to this site.

Wait…isn’t that what I did in step #3? I’m confused again. Ah well, I’m charging ahead to Rule #5, confident that if I don’t dwell on the parts that confuse me, I will soon forget all about them. It’s a strategy that has worked well for me in the past.

Rule #5 – Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself.

Presumably, these should be seven things that I haven’t already told the world during the course of my versatile blogging. With that in mind, Vic, this list is for you (and everyone else who is still reading this particular blog).

1. When it comes to movies, I’m stuck firmly between the ages of 16-21. I love angsty movies/TV shows/books about young women who are still dumb enough to make spectacular mistakes because they don’t actually know they are mistakes. If there’s singing involved, I love it even more. This is evidenced by the marathon viewing of every single episode of the fabulous British television show Skins. No, it’s not good, but in true train wreck fashion, I couldn’t look away until the final credits had ran on the last episode. If I could get away with it without my wife mocking me for the rest of our lives, I would do the same with DeGrassi and South of Nowhere. My one burst of sanity in all this madness is that I’ve stopped watching Glee. Mostly. Except when I can’t help myself. Hello! Have you seen Naya Rivera? And I’m madly in love with Dianna Agron. I think that last part might actually count as a second item for this list, but since I’m not sure, I’m grouping them as one.

   

2. When I was in college, I shaved one side of my head and dyed what was left bright pink. It was a pretty awesome, pre-lesbian awareness (my own, not the rest of the planets), lesbian haircut. It faded up the side until it got gradually longer. the other side and the back was down past my shoulders. I’m not describing it well, and of course I can’t find any pictures, but it really was cool. Really. Or maybe I was just drunk. A lot.
3. I don’t have a lucky number or a favorite color, but I do think pink is pretty nifty. I’m not sure if that’s because I actually like it or if I just really like how enthusiastic my six-year-old is about all things pink. Although, recently she announced that looking at pink gives her a headache, so I may have to shift my devotions to another color soon.
4. I have three tattoos. The first one I got was a small pink teddy bear on the inside of my left ankle. I got it because my boyfriend at the time told me I couldn’t. I no longer have the boyfriend, but I still have the tattoo. I’m pretty sure it’s going to look like a wad of bubble gum stuck to my ankle by the time I’m sixty and my skin is sagging in places my 20-year-old self had never even conceptualized as being able to sag. Oh, to be young and completely oblivious of the laws of physics and the cruel reality of gravity.
5. My absolute favorite place in the world is where ever Tara is at the moment. This isn’t actually new information to anyone who has ever met me, but it’s so intrinsic to the the truth of who I am, it would feel like a massive omission to not mention it here.
6. If I was smart enough, I’d totally join Mensa and be an intellectual snob. The cruel irony of my life is that, while I miss the mark by a couple of points no matter how many times I take the test, Tara qualifies easily and couldn’t care less. She thinks it’s all silliness and would much rather tell Wyatt a fart joke than contemplate anything even remotely think-tankery.
7. I have nothing that even resembles gay-dar. I look at every single woman on the planet, from the woman who takes my money at the market, to the chick I bump into at the library, to the one who delivers the mail, and think “Yeah, she’s probably a lesbian.” I’m not sure if that’s because I’m overly optimistic or if I’m a closeted man-hater. Or maybe it’s because I simply cannot wrap my head around the idea that ANYONE would choose boy parts when girls exist. It baffles. Clearly no one in her right mind would do that. Hello! Boobs!

And thus concludes my seven things and the end of rule compliance. Thanks again to, Victoria Oldham for nominating me. I hope I’ve lived up to the high standards set by previous winners.